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You just became engaged and in 10 months, you will finally be married to the man you love. You start by making a list of everything you want, flowers, photographer, cake, church, music, and so on. However, without any warning, it happens. Your mother has decided that you should have white and pink roses; she has chosen Victorian-type attire, Johnny Matthis music, everything she wants. Not that there is anything wrong with her choices, but they are not what you want.

Regardless of who is paying for the wedding, the mother of the bride should always be involved with the planning of the wedding. If you want to have some control over your wedding while still having your mom play an important part, you can. Remember that right along with you, she too has been dreaming about this day for many years. She has probably thought often about this day and in her heart, she just wants to be helpful, although her eagerness may be a little misplaced. However, there are things you can do to use her skills while still having some control.

Start by listening to her ideas with an open mind. She may have some great ideas that would blend in beautifully with your plans. Be honest with your mom. Let her know how you envision you wedding and then see what she comes up with that could enhance your ideas. Another great idea is to make a list of the things that you do not mind someone doing and have her choose several of those items. During the planning phase, perhaps she can get cake and flower quotes.

On the other side, if there is something that your mother is opposed to, something that would make her very self-conscientious. Sit down and talk to her to gain a better understanding as to why she is so upset about this issue. It could be something that can be worked out but if not, find a nice compromise, As an example, say you chose coral-colored roses but those were the flowers associated with your dad's death less than a year ago.

While this may be a little bit of a balancing act, once the wedding is over, the two of you will have a nice time looking at the wedding album together and reminiscing about the time spent together planning your very special day.

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